In Time of Need, Where's Your Support?

Where does one turn when that time comes that support is needed? We seem to be able to face life alone as long as things are going well. When life becomes difficult however, as it so often does, where does one turn for help? God? Church? Family? Friends? Neighbors? If fortunate, we are able to rely on them all in our time of need.

In early December, a family in our development suffered a tragedy no family should have to face. Their youngest son, who was a playmate of our grandson Jack, passed away as a result of an auto accident. He was about a month younger than Jack who will be five in the spring, and the two of them shared the same middle name, Alexander. The boy’s seven-year old brother suffered a serious leg injury in the accident. After three surgeries, he was released for his little brother’s funeral service but was back in the hospital early the next morning for his fourth surgery. On Tuesday, December 23, I checked my e-mail and received the update--he was to be released from the hospital around noon that day to have Christmas with his family. I was thrilled for him and his family.

As I was forwarding the update to others in the development, the phone rang. It was my brother calling to say that our only sister Glenda had been killed in an auto accident on icy roads an hour or so earlier. In less than a minute, my happiness for the boy and his family became sorrow over the loss of my only sister.

Glenda was a wonderful wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, and sister. She and my brother-in-law would have been married 47 years on January 20. Unlike so many marriages today, they shared a long, successful, and happy marriage. They had been high school sweethearts and were the love of each other’s life. For her, my brother-in-law and their children and grandchildren always came first; they were her life. She was much like our mother in that she always said what she thought, and too bad if you did not like it. As her pastor said during the funeral service, “Glenda always told you what she thought you needed to hear.” I fondly remember being the recipient of many of those words over the years. Glenda always enjoyed a good joke, but I seldom recall her telling many. I never knew her to be a practical joker either, until she pulled one on me. But at her funeral service, her pastor, who had gone through school since the second grade with her and my brother-in-law, told of another of her pranks. He said his mother always called Glenda that “mean girl,” but that he never knew why until later in life. On a school trip, Glenda had dumped a bucket of water over his mother’s head. My guess is there was a message to the pastor’s mother, something Glenda thought she needed to hear, in dumping that bucket of water over her head.

Of all the memories I will always have of my sister, the practical joke she pulled on me in the spring of 2005 will be a standout. My brother’s first wife had also been killed in an auto accident a number of years earlier, and we were all delighted when he decided to marry again. None of us had met his new wife, but they had planned to visit our sister and brother-in-law after a short trip. I had asked my sister to call me with her impressions after they left. She called while we were in Disneyland with our daughter and family.

Glenda told me that she liked our sister-in-law very much, but then asked that I guess to whom she was related. I found that rather odd, but obviously not odd enough. After I told her numerous times that I had no clue, she kept saying, “Guess.” Finally, I guessed Bill Clinton who did not even register on my favorite people list. Responding to my Clinton guess, she said, “No. It's worse.” From my perspective, what could possibly be worse? Finally, I said, “Not Hillary?” She replied, “Yea. She is Hillary’s first cousin; their mothers are sisters.” Hillary did not come from Arkansas as my new sister-in-law did, but in my shock did I think of that? Of course not! I could not even think. I just became unnerved with this blow to the family pride. I let out a few curse words, embarrassing my family and earning a few stares.

For two weeks my sister let me live with this. Still not thinking this through, I even told a friend whose response was, “That’s awful. I thought it bad enough that I share a birthday with Bill Clinton, but this is worse Don.” Now I had to plan how I would respond to this woman if I ever met her - ignore her, be nasty, or be pseudo-pleasant. Two weeks later, my sister called to say this tale was not true. Needless to say, I did not like being the butt of her prank, but when you are stupid enough to believe such a tale without thinking it through, you just smile and take it. I told her that if it took the rest of my life, she was going to receive her payback. All my payback attempts failed. And that is probably what I deserved. Anyone should have known better than to swallow such a tale, but I had never known Glenda to play a prank on anyone.

Glenda’s prank will be only one of my many happy memories of her. I will miss her terribly. She was always supposed to be there. Isn’t that the way we all feel about loved ones? They will always be there, thus we seldom take the time to truly enjoy each minute we spend with them. Life is all too short, and we do not always get second chances!

My cousin DeRenda said of my sister, “Glenda was just like a second mother to me when Mike, Jeff, and I were kids. Not to mention that while my mother was going through chemo and radiation, Glenda was a God-send to both of my parents. She cooked full meals for them every time, so that my mother didn’t have to worry about cooking. It was hard to say good-bye to her, but I also know that she is in a better place now.”

A friend in Washington State and her husband sent a sympathy card containing these words, “In your memories may you find comfort. In your friends and family may you find love. And in your heart may you find the strength to help you through this sorrowful time.” Enclosed was a business-type card that said, “God’s love does not exempt us from trials. God’s love walks with us through our trials.”

To paraphrase the Reverend Rickie Rush, pastor of Inspiring Body of Christ Church (Dallas, Texas), presiding over a recent fallen Dallas police officer’s funeral: Just as it is when tucking your children into bed, there comes a time when we have to know that God will take care of you. Good night, Glenda, we’ll see you in the morning.

In facing the death of my only and dearly loved sister, I found great comfort from God, my pastors, our family, church friends, friends from the past living far away, and neighbors. When tragedy happens, we all need support. I am fortunate and thankful to have had that support.

From where will your support come in your time of need?

Copyright 2009 by Don Emerson. All rights reserved.